Love, Regret and Two Cups of Tea
by Lady of Cornwall
Summary: AU: Remus Lupin rejected Nymphadora Tonks the night she declared her love for him; but now three years later,he has realized that he made a huge mistake. The only problem is: Tonks has moved on. Will they find their way back to each other?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Note: Selection in italics taken from HBP (623-624)

Note (2): The story is set in a slightly different alternate universe where the war with Voldemort has not yet come to a conclusion. It will not affect the plot too much, just thought I should point it out.

Enjoy!

Prologue:

"_You see!" Said a strange voice. Tonks was glaring at Lupin. "She still wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten! She doesn't care!"_

"_It's different," said Lupin, barely moving his lips and looking suddenly tense. "Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely---"_

"_But I don't care either! I don't care!" said Tonks, seizing the front of Lupin's robes and shaking them. "I've told you a million times…"_

"_And I've told you a million times," said Lupin, refusing to meet her eyes, staring at the floor, "that I am too old for you, too poor…too dangerous…"_

"_I've said all along that you're taking a ridiculous line on this, Remus," said Mrs. Weasley…_

"_I am not being ridiculous," said Lupin steadily. "[Nymphadora] deserves somebody young and whole." _

"_But she wants you," said Mr. Weasley, with a small smile. "And after all, Remus, young and whole men do not necessarily remain so."_

_He gestured sadly to his son, lying between them._

"_This is…not the moment to discuss it," said Lupin, avoiding everybody's eyes as he looked around distractedly…._

---

As it turned out, there never had been a moment to discuss it; thought Remus Lupin, regretfully, as he remembered that fateful night three years earlier. Nymphadora had stormed out of the hospital wing in tears and he had never spoken to her again. He had glimpsed her at Dumbledore's funeral, but on that mournful day he had gone out of his way not to cross paths with her. He had known that in his distraught state, he would not have been able to control himself around her. That mournful day, which was a blur of faces and emotions, was the last time he had seen Nymphadora Tonks.

She had however, possessed his thoughts, and haunted his dreams every moment since then. He had done everything in his power to end the hold that the young Metamorphmagus had on his soul. During the last three years, he had thrown himself into the hunt for Voldemort and the remaining death eaters. He had gone back undercover with numerous werewolf gangs, attempting to discover any information he could that would help his side win the war.

His side…it sounded strange to think of it like that. In addition to his other measures, he had also cut himself off completely from his friends and the other members of the Order. He had kept in touch with the Weasleys and Harry and the rest for a while, but it had become too difficult. At first, everyone had been trying to convince him to change his mind; and then, there had been too many awkward silences after "her" name had slipped out when everyone was trying so hard not to say it. So now, he worked alone, and sent any useful information he was able to gather in secret code to Headquarters via owl.

There was another side to his self-induced exile that he was not particularly proud of. In an attempt to erase Nymphadora Tonks from his psyche, he had crawled into bed with any witch who would have an old, poor, werewolf, or any muggle woman who didn't know the difference. His sorry state didn't leave him many opportunities for such sordid distraction, but he took what he could get and regretted it the moment the fleeting oblivion had passed.

Today was such a day. Today, one thousand and ninety-five days since he had last laid eyes on the keeper of the key to his heart, he was lying beside a haggard looking witch, who was smoking a fag; on a dingy, stained mattress, in a very seedy brothel.

Needless to say, Remus Lupin had reached an all time low. He grimaced when the witch beside him turned toward him and ran her fingers across his bare, scarred chest.

"You up for another round then? Will cost you extra, of course." She smiled coquettishly.

"Piss off!" Remus snapped.

"Well, well, that's not what you were saying fifteen minutes ago, was it now?" She inched her hand lower toward his groin.

"I said piss off!" Remus snarled; in the way only a man who is part wolf can.

The witch cringed away from him, but she recovered quickly. "Fine, fine, it's not like I was enjoying myself anyway, but don't think you can scare me away without paying."

"The money is on the dresser." Remus said; staring at the ceiling.

"Hope you're not expecting any change." The woman sneered before she left.

Remus lay in the dank bed for a long time after the witch had left. He knew that he had been right to turn down Nymphadora, even though he was pretty sure that he had been in love with her before she had fallen for him. He knew this because he had fallen for her before she had known he existed…

It was in the summer of 1994, he had just resigned as Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor at Hogwarts, due to it becoming common knowledge that he suffered from lycanthropy. He had gone to the Ministry in one last attempt to procure honest employment, but even a glowing letter of recommendation from Dumbledore had done little good. Discouraged and ashamed he had wandered into one of the auditoriums where that year's graduating class of aurors was having their matriculation. She had bounded up to receive her certificate, with a large smile on her face, her hair long and flowing and the exact same sickly green color as the awful robes they had to wear. She had grabbed her certificate triumphantly and then, in what he would come to know as true Nymphadora fashion, had tumbled off the stage. He couldn't explain it, after all she was a child, for Merlin's sake, only a few years older than Harry, but he knew right then and there that he loved her. It was only later, when he mentioned the incident to Sirius, over a pint, that he had realized who she was, and he had then promptly received a staunch warning that any romantic action towards Sirius' favorite cousin would not be appreciated. However when she had joined the Order some time later, he had been secretly thrilled….

None of this mattered, however, Remus reminded himself as he lay amidst the tangled sheets pondering his dilemma. He had been right three years ago; Nymphadora deserved someone healthy and her own age, not an old, worn down, social leper; his feelings for her were inconsequential.

Thus, Remus shocked himself, when in a moment of uncharacteristic selfishness; he went to his bag and took out a quill….

---

There never had been a moment to discuss it; Thought Nymphadora Tonks pensively as she held the letter that had just arrived in her hands and remembered that fateful night three years ago. She had stormed out hysterically and had never seen or spoken to Remus Lupin again. She had tried to find him at Dumbledore's funeral, but she had been unsuccessful, and she had never had another opportunity.

She had been too embarrassed to contact him again; after all, had she not pleaded her case numerous times? The final public rejection had been more than she could take. She had gone through some dark times. For two months she refused to even get out of bed because she was convinced her life was over, but Molly had apparated over and put a stop to that with some homemade chicken soup and a sound scolding.

Once she had recovered enough to stand the light of day again, she began spending more and more time at the Burrow, all the while hoping that Remus would drop by or that she would at least hear news of him. If he had shown up, she would of course have run and hid in one of the rooms upstairs, like the mature woman she was, but the situation never materialized. She had never gotten any news of him either. She had been duly informed by the entire Weasley clan, and even by Harry, that they were intervening on her behalf. They had decided that for her own wellbeing, Remus would cease to be mentioned whenever she was around. The last thing they wanted was her retreating to her bedroom again.

Even after the intervention, she had continued to visit the Burrow often, in an attempt to maintain her sanity. It was there, when she was busy de-gnoming the garden for Molly, that she had first met Charlie Weasley…

"Oh blast it all!" Tonks exclaimed as the gnome she was wrestling with escaped her grasp for the umpteenth time and raced to escape over the fence. She looked up angrily when she heard an amused chuckle. "What do you want Ron?" She demanded, but stopped short when she saw the stranger before her. "You're not Ron." She stated.

"No, I'm not." The stranger smiled broadly.

"Well, you certainly look like a Weasley, and I've met them all except Charlie, so you must be him."

"That's right." Charlie said, still grinning.

"Well, are you going to stand there like an oaf, or are you going to give me a hand? Your Mother wants this done by dinner time!"

Charlie dropped to his knees obediently, but he didn't begin working, he simply stared at her.

"What in Merlin's name are you staring at?" She demanded

"I'm sorry, I'm just curious about the identity of the strange girl with the wild blue hair, who insists that I de-gnome my parents' garden the moment I get home from a long stint in Romania…"

"Oh…" Tonks blushed deeply. "Well, I'm Tonks." She said simply.

"Tonks…what kind of name is Tonks?"

Tonks was about to be appropriately outraged but Charlie kept on going, "Oh hang on, Tonks and a Metamorphmagus, you were at Bill and Fleur's wedding right? Hey, didn't we go to Hogwarts together?"….

As it turns out they had gone to school together, they had actually been in the same year. Tonks had often heard his name mentioned. 'Charlie Weasley, the big Gryffindor qudditch stud', but she was a Hufflepuff, and certainly not popular, so they had never met face to face. At the thought, she wondered what all their peers would say now if they knew that weird, clumsy Tonks had been dating the famous Charlie Weasley for over a year now…

She hadn't jumped into his waiting arms, but over time he had worn her down, with his roguish smile and boyish charm, not to mention all the muscles he had developed handling dragons; and now for the first time in a long time Tonks was happy.

Thus, Tonks was genuinely confused by the deep sense of longing that she felt when she read the letter that had just been delivered via owl.

"Nymphadora,

I must see you. I know it is out of the blue. But I made a huge mistake. Please meet me for tea in Diagon Alley on Wednesday at 14:00.

Remus."

Tonks' head began to spin and her hands began to shake. She dropped the letter. Much to her dismay, she had never wanted a cup of tea so much in her life.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Hey guys! I know it's been forever, and I completely understand if you have all given up on me. But, if you're still here, know first that you're wonderful! And second that I'm back in the writing world and plan on being much more constant! Thanks so much for your patience. Hope it was worth the wait. Let me know what you think. :)**

Tonks felt like she had been split unceremoniously down the middle. She was at a complete loss about what to do. On the one hand, she desperately wanted to see Remus. As much as she hated to admit it, his letter, short though it was, had rekindled a spark within her. A spark that she had spent the last few years telling herself was better off extinguished. On the other hand however, she loved Charlie, and she certainly was no cheater. And even if she did have such an inclination, Charlie certainly did not deserve it. He was the most kind and considerate boyfriend a girl could want, and what was more, he had been incredibly patient with her while she had gotten herself together. They had a really good thing going. Tonks did not want to mess it up.

After reading the note over one more time, Tonks took out her wand and set it on fire. A wave of guilt overcame her as she watched the piece of paper disintegrate. If she was so innocent, why did she feel the need to burn it? Tonks was startled out of her reverie when Charlie grabbed her around the waist and kissed her neck.

"Uh-oh." He chuckled.

"What?" She asked, somewhat absentmindedly.

"Nothing good happens when you're staring into space with a wand in your hand." He said with a smirk still on his face.

"Hey!" She turned around and tried to wiggle out of his embrace. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Charlie looked alarmed. "Nothing. I was just teasing you sweetheart. Is something the matter?"

Tonks had not meant to react so strongly. Of course Charlie had been only joking. "No, nothing, I'm sorry. How was your day?"

"Not too bad. Collins is still on my case about the Horntail incident, but it should blow over in the next couple of days. By the by, mother contacted me at work today, she wants to know if we can make it for lunch tomorrow since we're both off work. I told her I'd talk to you first."

"Tomorrow?" Tonks' mind was racing. She still wasn't completely sure what she wanted to do. Did she want lunch or did she want tea? Simple question, right? In fact, it was one of the most difficult decisions she had ever faced. Charlie was looking at her expectantly.

She let both possibilities play out in her mind one more time. However, looking into Charlie's eyes, she knew there was only one thing she could say. "Of course we can go over for lunch, it'll be fun. We haven't seen everyone in a while." She smiled brightly. Charlie smiled back and gave her a quick peck. "Great! I'll send a return owl."

Remus Lupin was sitting in the quietest teashop in Diagon Alley, in fact at the moment, he was the only patron. As a result, the server kept coming by and asking him if he required anything else. Irritated, he, just as continually, waved her away and kept looking nervously at his timepiece. It was 15:00, an hour past the time he had asked Tonks to meet him. He knew she wasn't coming. Despite cutting himself off from everyone, he knew she was happily in a relationship with Charlie Weasley. He knew she deserved someone like Charlie Weasley. He knew, just like he had known all those years ago, that he was absolutely no good for Nymphadora. He still felt beyond a doubt that she deserved so much more then he could ever give her. Still, in spite of knowing all these things, he could not himself get up and leave the tea shop. He felt as though if he left now, he would be admitting that Nymphadora was out of his life forever, and that was something that he just couldn't do. So even though he knew it was hopeless, he kept glancing from his timepiece to the teashop door, hoping against hope that it would swing open and that the reason for his existence would walk in and forgive him for being a complete and utter idiot.

Finally Remus realized that he had no choice but to get up. After all, he had no one to blame but himself. Nymphadora had made her feelings for him very clear. And each time he had rebuked her harshly. In fact, now that he thought about it, he was not even sure he had ever openly returned her feelings. He thought back to one of the first times she had expressed interest in him...

It was winter, and as usual, the entire gang was spending part of the Christmas holidays at the Burrow. It was late and everyone had gone to bed. But it was close to the full moon and he couldn't sleep. He was curled up on a comfy armchair, mindlessly flipping through a tome on complex transfigurations. She had come up quietly behind him, he was never quite sure how she had managed that, since she was usually quite clumsy, and playfully covered his eyes with her hands. At first he had played along.

"Who's there?"

"You have to guess..."

"Is it Gwenog Jones?" He said the first famous name that popped into his head and without knowing it sparked her fiery side.

"Don't tell me you're a fan of her team?" Nymphadora asked instantly forgetting her ruse.

"Well, to tell you the truth, I don't really follow quidditch, so no, I'm not."

He thought that the response would pacify her, but instead it had inflamed her even more. "Well not following quidditch at all is even worse!" She came around to stand in front of him, fully ready, he assumed, to enlighten him as to the many important reasons to become an avid quidditch fan. However, in her hurry, she tripped on the end table beside the chair and fell directly into his lap.

They both stared at each other in shocked silence for a moment, and then burst into hysterical laughter. After they had calmed down Nymphadora said, "well, that worked out even better then I hoped."

"What do you mean?" He had asked.

Suddenly she looked quite embarrassed. And even though she was sitting in his lap, she could not meet his gaze. "I knew you were up and came down hoping to have a chance to talk to you. I've been wanting to for a while. But I didn't think I'd end up in your lap so soon." She finally looked at him and gave a sheepish grin.

He had been incredibly surprised. "You mean you...I mean to say that you..." He couldn't find the words to finish his sentence. Finally he just said "Why do you want to talk to me so badlly?"

"Because I like you, silly!" She had blurted out. Her hand quickly flew to her mouth.

"You like me?" He had repeated, as if he didn't understand basic English.

"Yes." She was avoiding his gaze again.

He was completely silent. He could not believe his fortune. The woman he was madly in love with had feelings for him. Of course she had only said 'like,' but that was a wonderful place to start. She had made him happier with that simple statement then he had ever felt in his life. Hence, he shocked even himself with the answer he gave to her next question.

"Well...do you...like me?" She whispered.

Without hesitation he responded, "No Nymphadora, not in the way you mean. In fact, I think it would be best if we don't speak of it again." With that cruel statement, so contrary to his true feelings, he stood up with her in his arms, placed her on the chair he had been sitting in and fled upstairs, leaving her with a shocked, hurt, and humiliated look on her face.

Coming out of the reverie, Remus could have smacked himself. He could not believe that he had acted so coldly towards her. To make matters worse, she had been persistent, and tried on other occasions to "win him over." Each time, he had been equally, if not more harsh, until that final rejection in the Hogwarts hospital wing. Outside it started to rain. Remus felt that it was perfect pathetic fallacy and knew that it was time to leave the teashop. He got up and walked out into the downpour.

As he walked briskly down the street, filled with self-loathing, he began muttering curses at himself. So absorbed was he in self-hatred that he almost didn't hear the call that would change his life yet again.

"Remus!"

He turned on his heel to see Nymphadora Tonks, soaked, shivering, and as beautiful as the day he had abandoned her, staring at him with wide, expectant eyes.


End file.
